Thanksgiving was hard for me this year. After Sunday, my Husband started backing off the idea of adoption. He had the same doubts that I did about how we will get through DFACS. On Tuesday night S had a bonfire with Heritage Girls and I spoke with a friend who adopted her (now 6 year old, but 4 at the time) daughter through lawyer-private adoption. She told me the details about how affordable it was and how the process works. She offered to meet with me and show me how we would make our family book and tell us about the process. Her Husband owns a business and she offered to have him spread the word that we are looking to adopt. She is so helpful and such a sweet lady. I got home and I researched all the details on how my Husband's job will cover adoption expenses and all the other assistance they offer. (They are one of the top adoption friendly companies in the US.) I couldn't wait to tell my Husband! But then my Dad came in town Wednesday morning. And we didn't get the time we needed to talk. I brought it up through text and he said he would rather discuss it face to face. I had an awful feeling in my stomach. Like, "How can you let him change his mind, God?" Meanwhile, J enjoyed his holiday. And I did too, but I just kept thinking, "Where is our life going?" I told J I'd like to go on a date soon and discuss everything about where our lives are headed. Not just adoption. We have been stagnant. Comfortable. But stagnant. And we aren't where we want to be yet. Problem is J is terrified of change, as is S. We have gotten too set in our ways, but I know we are all called to more. We just need to make some changes first.
So there we were. Day after Thanksgiving. I couldn't wait another day. The restaurant was packed out. 20 minute wait. Not too bad. There were people everywhere and it was so loud. We went ahead and ordered our food and drinks and anything else we thought we would need the first time the waitress was at the table. Just in case. Then we sat back and spent the first part of the night goofing off. When the food came, we got down to business. We started with his certifications and made a plan for what cert he wants, when he wants to start it, what study material he will use, what kinds of companies he wants to work for. I think it was encouraging for him to finally have a plan. All these things we have talked about over the last few years-especially his certs-but we haven't done anything about it. There is always a reason we "can't do it." But he's decided it is time to step up because...well, that brought us to our next decision-If we are going to raise another kid-that someone entrusts to us, we need to make sure that we know that we know that we know we can give that child a good life even as she gets older. (I hear they just get more and more expensive.) We decided private adoption is a better way to go and I unloaded a whole bunch of the information I have found online. He was so receptive! I know that I know that I know God has changed his heart. I don't know exactly what that means. I don't know if that means we will actually go through with this or if God just wants us to experience this different road to help someone else out in the future or to help us grow as people or just to say we have explored both options. I don't know what I don't know. But what I do know is that I saw a much more mature side of my Husband last night and we both got kind of giddy about talking with the lawyer very soon. I actually think it is just as exciting if not more exciting than it is when you first start trying to have your own baby. We made a few more small decisions. Like we are going to talk to S after we talk to the lawyer and make our decision. We are going to tell our family on Christmas if we decide to take this route (and if we know by then) because we will really need their support in this because the birth mother may want to see pictures and hear about or meet our close family. Also, we are going to keep....not trying to conceive, but not being careful. (I will stop temping. Etc.) And then we will see what God gives us first. We had also talked about adopting a 3 or 4 year old and continuing to try for a baby. AND my Husband said he will stay open to adopting a child that is not a newborn-but like 1 or 2 years old! Gosh, I am just bursting with excitement! But SO NERVOUS that this will fall through or not work out or that his mind will change. So many possibilities. I do know we have so many changes in store.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Phillippians 4:8