Middle School and Toddler Blues Babbling

Monday was the day-like so many other years-that most people posted "First Day of School" photos on their social media. (Even some of my homeschool friends did.)

It always makes me think of what it would be like to do cutesy stuff like that with Big S if she were in school. But it also makes me thankful to have her home because we always have fun things planned for the year.

This year is a tiny bit different, however. It is slow-going. Acting class was cancelled, so Big S only has scouts and youth group-neither of which is during the day. And one is only twice a month. I thought it would be a great opportunity to do the spur of the moment things we used to do, like trips to the park, volunteering all day at the library, and seeing friends with no notice.

But I am struggling with what I guess would be called the Toddler Blues. I just don't want to "deal with it." I'm tired, and I have no idea why. My brain is always exhausted. Always. I don't feel like loading up 50 bzillion snacks and chasing her around the library asking her to be quieter. I think once it cools down, park visits will be nice. And I am always up for a good play date. But I don't have the same enthusiasm I have had in the past. I don't feel like what I do....means enough. Now, I know that's not true. But I can't help but feel that way about what I do day in and day out, correcting math work, disciplining a toddler, and washing dishes... Big S is in middle school now. She researches her own stuff that she wants to learn. She does her math on her own. And Little S just wants to play. She doesn't want to sit for long periods of time sorting counting bears or playing Tanagrams like Big S did. I try to play and teach them both as much as I can, but overall, I feel useless. Like my job is just to drive them around where they need to go and sit there while they do what they need to do. I try to stay active by volunteering at scouts and participating in the adult study on 'youth nights,' but the library or anything else that doesn't request outside volunteers, I sit, and I wait.

I try to stay available while Big S does her math. It appears to be more like lingering though The laundry is minimal because we have a pair of "home clothes," not night clothes that we wear all week (unless they get dirty), and we wear the same outfit at least twice before washing. The cleaning is minimal because we are minimalists. And I am glad to not spend my life cleaning, because as much as I enjoy it, I know it is not a valuable way to spend my time if I don't have to. But where is the balance? Maybe I am just rambling, but I feel useless. I feel like I am either too busy to give my girls the attention they need or I am not busy enough.

It is a new day today. I am feeling a tad more positive. Although, the toddler and I are dealing with allergies, so it was a slow day again. With that said, I have resolved to enjoy where we are. I will find things to fill the time, like learning about chickens or just cuddling our toddler. It is the calm before the storm. Only this time, we have warning. The last time we had calm like this, my sisters moved in. We plan to start pursuing adoption again next year, which we know is a big deal with lots to do, so I will take this time to show my girls my love for them, to force myself to go out and do things, even if it means I need to plan each trip that we take to the playground.

I am going back to my planning book. Each day, I have Sam's assignment written down-which is not many. I have a simple, minimal  prep work activity (like today I took all her magnetic letters and spread them on the floor. I gave her a basket and asked her to "Find the B. What does B say?" Easy peasy. She got attention. I didn't have to play dolls. We all win. And then I have some random trip days written down for nature walks and bike rides. I am just in a season where I need to expect those things ahead of time. Otherwise, I will never do them. And that's okay. I just have to make sure I plan.

So middle school is not looking like what I imagined for Big S, lots of activities and independence, business and fulfillment. But that's okay. Bedore I know it, we will be there again and I will be asking myself "What happened? Where did time go?"

What we do have planned is:

Acting Camp-Since acting class was cancelled, Big S will be participating in Acting Camp where many of her middle school friends already participate.

Learning Piano (Hopefully)-She says she wants to learn, and we have told her if she continues to ahow enthusiasm for it and learn thr basics of reading music for it by using outside resources, we will pay for lessons with a friend of ours and evebtuslly buy her a keyboard. It just makes sense. I would love for hwr to leave the house knowing how to play an instrument. Plus, it goes along with her passion for performing arts.

Spanish-Now that Big S has gotten to an average typing speed for her grade and learned all her cursive, I have told her she can move on to learning Spanish, so it won't be long before she starts Rosetta Stone/Homeschool Edition. Woo Hoo!

Chores-Here is something she has never had before. She has always helped around the houde with stuff like carrying in groceries, taking out the trash, assisting with the baby, etc. But she has never had to empty the dishwasher, wash dishes, fold laundry, etc. Middle achool is a good time to introduce those necessary skills. Poor girl!