My Lord, My Lord

It is Thanksgiving, and my have things changed over the last year.

Every Thanksgiving my Dad, who drives a truck, would threaten to quit his job if they would not let him off to be here. Thanksgiving was his religious holiday. He could not wait to celebrate at his place-when he got one. He went all out. One year he bought 200 feet of name brand alluminum foil. 5 pounds of briskett. Crab legs. Lobster. Giant boxes of Christmas chocolates. You name it. He came in and spoiled the grand children.  Well, grandchild. Sara was too young the last 2 years and didn't want anything to do with anybody but me. We went Black friday shopping and talked and talked for hours. He was truly happy that day, but the rest of the year was unfulfilling for him.

Fast forward a few months. My Husband and I were given custody of two sweet, innocent girls, who albiet have some things they are struggling through, bring lots of light to the entire family's life. They are my sisters. My Dad's kids. (And of course the daughters of his ex wife.) We had met them once.

I tried not to post on here much about the joys  struggles to respect their privacy as well as the privacy of their parents. Although, I needed to. I had a lot of anger and frustration as well as celebratory times and messages of hope. But while we were part of the case, it didn't feel right. I am still not taking sides on what happened or who should have them. But I will say this. They are no longer in our custody. They live with their Dad. And this is their first and last Thanksgiving in town. They  are moving to Iowa. And I am sad. I thought I would be happy that we can all move on. But a big part of me isn't.

As for Thanksgiving, this year is different. My Dad did come in from driving his truck, but it was his last day. He is giving up his CDL. He has to be home for the kids. He isn't nagging me about not buying paper towels or having more kitchen gadgets, because he knows the struggles of saving money and not having enough room in the drawers. We aren't Black Friday shopping either. And there will not be much briskett and no Christmas chocolates. But that is okay, because this year there are 2 more people to love, a lot more happiness in his heart, and we all just grew and learned from the last 10 months.

I learned that, just like when Sara was born, I have an amazing support group of loving family members and friends. If it were not for my Husband supporting me in opening the house up to these two beautiful children, we would have never been able to witness the miracles we have or build a bond with my sisters. I won't say he didn't have his fair share of struggles. I won't say he didn't get angry when I felt lied to or betrayed. Heck, I won't even say I handled it right. Although, he never once took it out on them.  I won't say that he spent every waking moment pouring into them his spiritual knowledge or wisdom. I won't even say that he was always the greatest influence. But I will say this. He allowed me to do those things. He supported me when I wanted to take them places or teach them things, just like he does with our girls. He sat at the dinner table each night, despite his exhaustion, because I was completely convicted of the fact that these girls needed to see a regular family dinner. They needed to see a family unit gathering at the end of the day and taking turns talking about events and other important topics. Heck, he even bought, transported, and constructed the new table I picked out to fit the 6 of us. At one point, we were this close to buying a mini van so we could all fit in the same car....until I backed out. He spent hours listening to me vent. He kept our girls when I needed to cry. And he *attempted* to encourage me when I felt the most empty, which was many times. That man is my rock. Ten years of marriage, and I love him increasingly more with every trial that we face, because we face it together and we become stronger for it.

I had a Mom who heard it all. The good and the bad, but most often the bad. And while she did not exactly provide the Biblical advice I needed, I was able to lay it all  before her while she attempted to put together the broken pieces. As my mother, all she wanted to do was fix it for me.

I had friends who rejoiced with me when my sister was saved. I had friends who played a huge part in that too. I had friends who guided me to scripture that could teach these sweet girls about struggles and the redemption of the Lord. I had friends who offered to keep them so I could just breathe. (Going from 1 kid to 4 in a year was a lot. But to be honest, it was the situation itself that was a source of stress. Dealing with their parents. Trying to appease their sibling's need to see them, which I totally understand. DFCS'S unrealistic expectations that I should put them above my own 2 children at all times. Dealing with 2 in school and 2 at home while my Husband can't help because he is dealing with work and school full time, traveling for work constantly, while also finishing the basement. Needing to be able to leave them with him sometimes, but not being able to, because he is a male, and we need to cover our own butts.) I had friends that brought meals in the beginning when we were trying to figure out our new life. Friends
 who gave us giftcards for food when we weren't receiving help. Friends that texted just to check in. Friends who I texted after court cases to tell them it was a long day, and their response...."Have you eaten? Let me bring you some Wendy's at our meeting tonight." Friends that spoke to my sisters with such sweetness and empathy when they saw them. We were surrounded by positive, life giving words and love abounding.

And most importantly, I had a God who was with me at all times. I had a God that I wanted to draw nearer to during this time of chaos inside the walls of our home. When I wanted to fall to my knees when one child was slamming her body against the wall fighting me and begging me let her hair stay in knots. And another was screaming and crying, throwing a toddler tantrum at my feet. And another one was hurting inside because this was her new normal and she felt like she never had me because when they were at school, I was always making calls to counselors and attorneys and CASAs. And when I wasn't, I was tired and broken. And, as for the 4th child, I had no idea what was going on in her brain, because she had barely spoken to me since the day she got here....And I just called, "My Lord, My Lord!" And he gave me the peace and calm I needed during the storms. And he gave me the energy I needed on Saturday nights for games, a read aloud, and a devotion in the tent. I knew that he was faithful, and we would make it through.

And I do not quite know if I could have made it without God and all those he planted in our lives. But we did it. And they made it to the light at the other side od the tunnel. Now they will have a wonderful, powerful testimony to give as they grow older. And they will have the love and understanding they need to have for other children in the system. And I do thank God for all the growth we have all experienced daily. And for the opportunity we had to do what he has called me to do since middle school.

And now we will move on with our lives. And whatever happens next, will happen. And we will get through it too, the same way we did this time.

Side Note: We will be going out of town to visit the Biltmore in the next few weeks. I cannot wait! It will be a breath of fresh air! A break from reality. We have hardly anything planned, aside from the Biltmore itself. I chose a luxury hotel at a great deal! A place where we can just be-together. I can't wait!